


On Bread Alone

by herbailiwick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s03e11 Mystery Spot, Episode: s08e22 Clip Show, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:32:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2486279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herbailiwick/pseuds/herbailiwick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>grantairias prompted: "Cas finding out from Sam about what happened at Mystery Spot (including that six month Wednesday)."</p><p>Takes place at the end of season 8, between 8x22 and 8x23. Sam is sick from the Trials. Dean is upset that Sam hasn't agreed to continuing the quest to close the gates yet after losing Sarah to Crowley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Bread Alone

Sam sighs heavily as Dean starts the song again, turns up the volume a little. He just has to make his sandwich and get out of there.

Cas, curious, gets up from the table, stepping closer. For some reason, Sam doesn't notice he's approaching until he's almost right up next to him. Sam jumps. 

"He keeps playing that same song," Cas says, concerned. "Are you okay? I mean...considering you're...dying?"

"Thanks, Cas," Sam rolls his eyes, eyeing his plate. Alright, that's probably acceptable. It's just gonna taste like crap anyway. Everything kind of does. He'll probably end up pulling it apart and just eating the meat and cheese and lettuce.

"Sammy's fine," Dean claims. "Not like there's, you know, something we could be working on right now."

"Come give me some company," Sam decides. Cas isn't exactly on Dean's VIP list at the moment anyway. 

They sit in Sam's bare room on his unimpressive bed. Sam tries to eat.

"You don't like that song. Why don't you like that song?"

Sam sighs, picking at the bread he loved before the Trials messed with his body. "I associate it with Dean dying. It's...Gabriel's fault. That's what he wanted, I guess."

"Perhaps you should tell Dean," Cas offers, watching Sam pick at his food with concern.

"Do you wanna order a pizza?" Sam asks, looking up. 

"I don't have to eat."

"I know. But...I won't eat it all, obviously, and I don't wanna share with Dean right now."

"He's being an...assbutt," Cas agrees.

"Right." Sam's lip quirks slightly. He likes when Cas says "assbutt". 

"Yes. I will try to help you eat a pizza," Cas agrees. "Are you...avoiding the subject? Does Dean  _know_ you associate it with him dying?"

"Maybe he thinks I only saw him die like five times," Sam explains in a rush. "But it was over a hundred, and I woke up to that song every time. Except."

"...Except?"

"Except when I didn't!" He looks, somehow, paler than when they'd sat down. "One time, it was done. It was over. Gabriel made it Wednesday, and then Dean was gone, _gone_  gone, and I  _buried_ him, Cas. And I wasn't the same, at all. I was gone too. It was like when I was soulless, but I was angry. I wanted Gabriel crushed."

"Crushed?"

" _Staked_." He gestures with a piece of bread.

"Staked?"

"He was pretending to be a Trickster, remember?" Cas's eyes widen slightly. He nods. 

"I was insane." Sam lets go of the scraps of bread he'd been pulling off the main piece, brushing crumbs off his hands. "I ordered Dean a burger every night, like it would be the night I'd get him back. For six months."

"Six months?!" Cas asks in surprise. "Isn't that longer than when he died and broke the seal?"

"Yes," Sam says quietly, but with such an intensity to his gaze it doesn't seem quiet, because someone understands without him having to explain that part. "Gabriel's dead. I'm the only one who remembers. My own, personal, private hell. I was a monster. It was the first time, but it wasn't the last time. I found out how much I needed Dean during that...experience. He's...playing that song cause it bugs me, but...I need him, Cas."

"...Do you?" Cas dares to ask. He sounds very conflicted. Sam doesn't.

"I do," Sam says. "And I'll show him he shouldn't do crap like that," he gestures to the closed bedroom door. "We'll both prove ourselves to him. Uh...are olives okay?"

Cas raises a brow again, and nods. He nods about every other ingredient Sam suggests. It's just going to taste like molecules, but it won't really be any trouble.

At least he doesn't have to hear Dean play that song again either.


End file.
